No thank you...


Have you ever been to one of those stores where they flag you down JUST before leaving so that they can 'check' your receipt? Those that I'm aware of are Sam's Club, Costco, and Fry's.

I HATE this. (hate it enough for bold, caps, AND underline!)

I'm not really sure what bothers me most about this. Since when is it alright to presume that every one of your customers is attempting to steal from you? Why not just ask me as I enter the store "Do you plan to steal from us today?" People probably wouldn't like that very much. I find the same to be true of the dude standing at the exit asking for my receipt and wanting to look through my bag. If you think I stole something you best DETAIN me and stop insulting me.

The other issue that I have with this whole thing is that it is a complete waste of time.  I get to wait for the mom with 3 kids screaming and crying attempting to find the receipt she was handed 38 seconds ago but had to put away so she could... oh I don't know, CARRY THE CRAP SHE JUST BOUGHT.

Long ago I decided how to deal with this, I would simply fail to comply with their request. Here is how it goes:

Creepy guy with highlighter: "Your receipt please" Me: "No" [keeps walking]

This is extremely effective as they aren't allowed to touch you in any way or risk being charge with assault. Jordan actually worked somewhere that said if she saw someone stealing she had to be 100% positive the item was on their person otherwise, attempting to detain them would mean her job. Gotta love it.

This actually pains my wife each time it occurs. The shear social awakwardness of the situation makes her love me a little less each time. So in an attempt to placate her, I've now switched to "No thank you" as if this gentlemen armed with a highlighter was politely offering a service, I politely refuse. This is actually far funnier for me because it left the guy we walked past today TOTALLY speechless with his mouth hanging open.

Thanks for the laughs today highlighter guy, your face was priceless.